Wednesday, October 7, 2015

What heaven looks like..

HI everyone! It's been over a year and I have SO much to say!! Like SO much!! But this post may be one of the best. 

I am a FIRM believer in not pretending that life is perfect on social media because .. Plot twist it's not! However I also am AGAINST people's negative dirty laundry. So here's to a happy medium!! 

Lately I have been In a bit of a slump. The seasonal stuff always happens to get me down. It's dumb. Seriously. Why does that happen? Because I LOVE this time of year.! 

For the past little while I have felt like I have had a little bit of a disconnect from my Heavenly Father. Only in the sense of I KNOW I NEED to do more on my part to grow a stronger relationship with him and that is SO very important to me. So, it's very discouraging when I feel like I am not doing all that I can. 

So.. This week has been a GAME. CHANGER. I love being a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and knowing just the steps I need to take to get back on track! 


Let's start with a back story. Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE to serve people. And I LOVE to help babysit and watch kids . I love to serve and love all that I can. It's just who I am . Well the past few weeks I have had a couple different instances of being taken advantage of and people don't even recognize how much I really try to do for them and then turn around and seem to just brush me off. I found myself bawling in a corner many times last week...

Next off, Luke has been having to travel a lot for work lately and we both HATE it. We miss each other a ton and it's stressful for my Luke. Well, this week last minute, we found out yet again he will be going out of town. This made us both pretty bummed. Yesterday I was feeling very sad about that when.... I received some information.

So I'll do a separate post about this but my best friend Chloe and her husband Taylor welcomed their son into the world 14 weeks prematurely . (This was back in July). Many miracles have occurred and their little Cooper is a champion! Holy cow that little guy is a fighter. Well, he has come very far but, premature babies are at risk for a lot of different medical complications. Coop has overcome many of these things! ( like I said miracle fighter babe) but some things are inevitable..  Yesterday Coop had an MRI and it showed he had some damaged brain matter from an early hemorrhage when he was first born. It hadn't healed quite as hoped, and he is at risk for Cerebral Palsy and a few other developmental set backs. This devastated my sweet friends Chloe and Taylor yet again, and that devastated me. I have learned just how much these people mean to me over the past 14 weeks especially and I HATE watching my Chloe girl's mama heart brake.. Yet again. So, thus came the tears again. Yesterday tears streamed down my face for a solid hour. I couldn't stop. We are ALL so thankful for how far he has come but, you just never want your baby or in my case my best friend and her baby to have any problems or pain. I mostly started crying when I knew how hard it was for Chloe. But her being her continues to have amazing faith and told me " we will just take things one day at a time." (she is an angel)

Whelp, about fifteen minutes after I heard about Coop's MRI, my Cystic Fibrosis clinic called and informed me my insurance (who by the way is very stingy on who they approve) approve me for a new miracle drug called Orkambi. it is as close to a cure as they have for Cystic Fibrosis. My heart filled with excitement. I work SO hard to keep myself healthy, and I can not wait to live a longer life!! Now, there are many risks and side effects with this new med often leading people to become very sick before they feel better ( it is LITERALLY changing the cell function in your body) so you can imagine a little push back and retaliation from those suckers !! Lol. 

Anyways, right before I heard from Chloe and about the new medicine I had knelt in prayer. I was feeling very guilty for being a baby about my husband going out of town I thought.. Umm Mindy.. There are people whose husbands are in Iraq or go out of town EVERY week for much longer periods at a time.. So I prayed to GOD and apologized  and I quickly was brought back to reality... Obviously... When Chloe texted me about coopers MRI I thought.. Here I am being a baby complaining about these silly things when my friend has been in the NICU with a baby fighting for his like for almost 90 days!! Reality check Mindy ... You are fine.. 

Continuing on... Today I got to go on a fly out for my job which I will post more about what I do for a living later but, basically I am on an organ procurement team! (Aka we go and get the organs for people on the transplant list) this results in us being there for the very end of life for many people. In reality we do this is because others are SO sick that they are facing death at any given moment.. Living a life where they are so very sick they can barely function. 

We do procurements for every age.. from ages 6 months to even 70 years old.. These people have all had different amounts of time to be on this earth and every time I so a procurement I realize just how fragile life is. As I was flying to another state today, we were up in the air and I gazed out the window and stared at the beauty of the earth and the clouds and thought.. This has got to be close to what heaven looks like. I was so thankful for the beauty I was able to see and feel.. And all these lessons helped me draw closer to GOD and see his hand in my life.. The lessons are these.. 
(This is exactly what I was looking at when I was flying. Isn't it beautiful?)

1 I am very fortunate to have the life I do.

2 Luke has a job... We have a house and everything we could ever need.. Other people have it so much for difficult so even thought we spend some time a part for travel we are SO blessed to both have jobs 

3. People matter.! Remember all those around you are fighting a battle. It may be different from yours but guess what? They are still fighting. Whether it's a baby in the NICU, depression, the loss of a loved one, and much more.. Be kind, be selfless. We need to bear one another's burdens. They help us realize how truly amazing the people in our lives are and the strengths they bestow as individuals.

4. Most people have had a lot of push back from their insurance companies for this new drug. Almost everyone I know has had to make an appeal, and for some miracle I didn't have to. I'll be starting in the next couple of weeks here so more info will follow.

5. I am loved more than I think I am.. I am SO hard on myself most of you wouldn't know this because it's a Side of me I hide.. I am VERY insecure, I blame everything on myself even if it's something someone else does. I take things very personally ( not in an I'm stuck up way) personally as in, this is my fault" " I could have helped her or him" " why is he/she so much more talented than me?" " Am I a good enough wife?" " is Heavenly Father going to think I am a failure?" ... Guys ... I worry so much. In case you ever think that I don't literally worry every day about how I can help each person I love you are wrong.
For instance if I spend time with my sister I think .." Oh my gosh I hope my brother didn't feel left out" and then self implode because, " How could I have been so thoughtless?" haha my dad always tells me our guilt machines work really well;) it's both a blessing and a curse I suppose.

I worry so much you guys. However, I only do it because I CARE SO MUCH. So guess what? If you are an acquaintance of mine, you, to me .. Are a friend for life! And my friends for life are my family and I LOVE MY FAMILY. Anyways, sometimes I don't feel like I do a good a good job at any of those things previously stated and then... BOOM, God shows me all the people who are surrounding me who are on my side helping me to accomplish all that I can.

6.I learned this week that I can run a marathon!!! What??? A marathon you say?? Yep. Thank you to ALL of the amazing people who supported and pushed me I did it. Tears are streaming down my face as I type this. I work so hard to NOT be that person that is the "sick girl" Cystic Fibrosis obviously effects me  day in every way but, my goal ever since I was little was to break the stereotype of , " I can't do that I'm sick" .. I always have wanted to prove to people that you can do anything you put your mind to.. And four days ago I just did that. As I crossed the finish line of the St. George marathon, I thought, " this is for all those who say they can't, and for those who literally can't. Cant's can become cans, and attitude is quite literally everything.

7. Last and best of all, today as I gazed through the windows of the airplane There it was, the majestic sky, all of that beauty. It was kind of a metaphor for me of God showing me the beauty in all things. Helping me to realize I in fact AM closer to him than I thought. Another one of the millions of prayers I have said had been answered. By a God who loves me Mindy Marie Catmull. One person on this earth out of the 7 other billion people an infinite amount.

I. Am. loved.

You. Are loved.

Life is beautiful

And we my friends...

Are infinite !

With all my heart I know that if you or I or anyone and everyone out there kneels to pray, they will know this is true. I'm thankful for God today. And guess what? I feel right back

on track.